About Me
I became addicted to the pain killers I was given for a back injury.
At first things were great because the pain killers the doctor gave me gave me my life back, from the painful hell of low back problems. After a period of time I realized I had been on the pain meds for over a year, and decided to get off. That is when I discovered I was addicted to them. That was when my life took a downward turn.
Several years passed and many times I tried to get off of the pain killers and each time I failed miserably, always returning to the pain killers.
After weeks researching on the internet and talking to doctors I found a solution that made getting off of painkillers so easy, I finally got my life back.
My story continues below.
Death Valley Dunes, 4th of July weekend,110 degrees
Going to death valley is one of my favorite pastimes. I love the desert and how alive it makes me feel. before I was free of the painkiller addiction, I couldn’t go ANYWHERE without first checking to see if I had enough painkillers to last me through whatever event I was going to go to. Sad isn’t it? Imagine this, let’s say your son or daughter asks you to go to Disneyland, but you have to tell them you can’t go, because you need to stay at home to get your prescription filled that is running out tomorrow. That’s the way is used to be for me, it sucked and I hated it.
I was addicted…
My Name is, Larry, and I am a recovering addict. I say this because at one time I was addicted to Pain Meds for a few years, and it was the hardest drug I have ever had to try to get off of. It is also the Only drug I have EVER had to try to get off of. Most people usually don’t have to try to get off of a drug, but pain meds are so addictive, that many people are addicted to them. The pain medication I was addicted to was vicodin, it is what the doctor prescribed to me for my back injury.
I hurt my back at the gym one day doing leg presses. I was just doing my presses and suddenly something shifted and I felt a little “pop.” I knew that wasn’t good. In the following couple of days, the pain got worse and worse. My lower back had been popped out of alignment and I was in terrible pain. At some points I was bed ridden over the next month. Nothing I did would help the pain except lying in bed — trying to find a comfortable position. This pain lasted for a couple months. It finally started to subside but it never really went away. A year later, it happened again when I was washing my truck. I bent over; my back went out; here comes the pain again. This time it was much worse and it lasted much longer.
I finally couldn’t take it any longer and consulted a doctor. I had an X-ray, an MRI, and physical therapy, and they could not find anything wrong. The only thing they found was a little arthritis in my lower back and the normal wear of a 40 year-old man. My disks were healthy. The bones were healthy. I was healthy. But, I was in extreme pain by this time. The doctor put me on Vicodin and some other muscle relaxer that I didn’t take. The Vicodin took the pain away, at least most of it. It made the pain manageable and I started to enjoy life again. The physical therapy I was doing wasn’t working and it was getting expensive. So I stopped therapy and I continued using the Vicodin. I continued for the next three years.
I didn’t realize, until about a year into it, that I had developed a Vicodin dependency. Not only did I need it for the pain in my back, but I also “NEEDED” it to be “well,” . If I didn’t have it, I would go into an anxiety attack until I knew there was a bottle waiting for me at the pharmacy. If the doctor’s office didn’t call in the script right away, I would call them until they did — insisting they call the script in at that moment. I would lie, and say that I was at the pharmacy waiting for it. I would then explain that the pharmacy was too far from home for me to leave, wait, and come back to get it. This went on for approximately three years. I also had to be careful of how many I was taking because the doctor would give me so many per day. And if I used more than my allotted amount, I couldn’t get it refilled again until it was the day the pills were supposed to run out. OR, I would have to call the doctor and have him “up” my prescription (if he would).
Eventually, my daily intake of Vicodin was up to ten a day and then it started to go up from there. Eventually, I started getting more Vicodin from a friend who had a connection down in Mexico. After three years of being on Vicodin, I started to notice a few things about myself. I was cranky all the time. My happy cheerful self was not so happy anymore. I didn’t want to go out and socialize anymore. When friends called, I let the answering machine take the call and I rarely called people back. Finally, some friends told me they were worried and that I had changed from the person they knew, to some angry, dark and bitter person. They were telling the truth.
I had finally had enough of this Vicodin crap and I was going to get off of it, even if it killed me.
So I started the process of quitting or going through the pain killer withdrawal. Day one was ok. I was not in too much pain, or depression, or anxiety. But little did I know, at that time, that it takes a good 2-3 days to get into the thick of Vicodin withdrawal and I had barely started the withdrawal process. I was in for a rude awakening. I had never gone through an opiate withdrawal. I had almost always had Vicodin around, or a similar replacement, so I never really got to the point of the painful, incredibly uncomfortable vicodin withdrawal.
Day two started and it was much worse than day one. I had awakened early and I was uncomfortable. My body was starting to badly ache — mostly my joints and muscles, but also my hair — yeah, my hair. It’s an odd feeling to brush up against something and feel pain simply because my arm hair touched it. By that evening, I was in full-blown withdrawal and I was sweating with hot and cold running sweats. I was shaking so badly that I couldn’t hold onto anything very well and kept dropping things. Anything I did with my hands was a fumble process — like trying to unlock my door and fumbling with my keys. My stomach was starting to really gurgle and not feel good. The diarrhea had started and my butt was raw from wiping so much (Yeah, gross. Sorry. But I think the gory details are necessary). I was miserable. And it was going to go on for how much longer? “Screw this!” I thought, “I need something to help me make it through this process of withdrawal, NOW!”
At this point I was in such pain and agony from the withdrawal, I was in my oown personal hell and I needed something to get me through this part of the withdrawal. I went to the liquor store and bought a bottle of vodka. This is what got me through the next few days.
Days four, five, and six were a blur. I don’t remember much of those days, and I really don’t care either. I was finally getting off of the Vicodin and I was going to make it through this really rough time.
After being holed up for about a week, I finally started to go out into the sun and I started to feel better physically, but mentally and emotionally was a different thing all together.
A couple of months had passed since I got off the Vicodin, and I was still not quite myself mentally and emotionally. I found out through research that opiate users have a very hard time staying off of opiates because of what happens to the brain chemistry from opiate abuse.
Opiates are very similar, chemically, to endorphins, and endorphins are the body’s natural pain killer. When we go through opiate withdrawal, the pain we feel is due to lack of endorphins in the body and brain. Therefore, we feel pain. The only way to stop this pain is to either replace the opiate with endorphins, or take more opiates.
So here is part of the puzzle: the pain is from lack of endorphins. And, the regular use of opiates tells the brain it doesn’t need to make endorphins anymore. So, it stops making its natural endorphins. The amount of opiate abuse we put ourselves through dictates how long we will have to wait till our brain starts to produce endorphins again. We can try to jump start this with some forms of exercise, but sometimes it makes matters worse.
This time period we are going through is what professionals call, “Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome,” or PAWS for short. This can last anywhere from six months to several years. Yeah, miserable me… I have to go through two years of depression and anxiety? Great.
Well, the physical part was over, but the mental and emotional part was tearing me up. I was depressed beyond belief at times. And I was so full of anxiety at other times — I didn’t know what to do. On top of all this, my back started hurting again.
Even though I was off Vicodin for nine months, I was still depressed. Plus, I was in pain from my back. I went to the doctor again to see if there was anything we could do for my back. Unfortunately, there wasn’t. And as I started to get depressed about this, he handed me a prescription for Vicodin for the pain. As I looked at it, feeling defeated and depressed, I said to myself, “well at least I will be pain free and happy again.”
I began to use it again, even after all the pain I went through to get off of it.
“I just want to BE HAPPY AGAIN.” I didn’t realize I was thinking this until a few days after I started using the Vicodin again. I noticed I was happy and bouncing around my house. THIS is one of the most critical parts of the recovery from Vicodin: the emotional state-of-being for the person recovering from Vicodin addiction. This alone will drive a person back to using whatever they used. This alone has the power to make a person crumble and give in to the little voice inside that says, “Take me.” That little nagging voice inside the head that’s always there, day and night, saying, “Just take one. It will help and it will make the pain go away. It will make you happy again. It will make you feel better.”
As I sit here writing this, I am reminded of what I went through; how that gnawing little voice kept nagging me; telling me how, “one little pill will make it all better;” how “just one pill won’t hurt;” how one pill won’t make me addicted again. That nagging little devil on my shoulder kept talking and talking until I finally gave in. I refilled my prescription. And shortly after I took my first couple of pills, the depression and the anxiety went away — just as that little voice promised. But I didn’t take just one pill to start; I took two to three. Why wait? Let’s just get down to business.
So for four more months I was back on the Vicodin — and, again, depressed. Because here I was — again — tied down to a little bottle of pills; a virtual ball and chain that I could not shake. My daughter was recently born. She was now 4 months old, and here I was, just getting started again with my addiction. I wasn’t just taking two, or three, or four a day. I was already up to 10 a day, which I soon surpassed. I even started getting more from my friend on the street. I got up to about 20 a day.
I would buy Vicodin from him at an outrageous price. But hey, I “Needed” it. He would also get other drugs which I would also buy from him such as Percocet®, Percodan®, codeine and Xanax®. It had gotten to the point where it didn’t matter what he had, as long as it helped me make it to my next prescription refill. Yeah, I know what you are thinking, “why wait for a refill?” Well, it was the cheaper route to getting my drugs every 14 days. It was 140 Vicodin for a $10 co-pay, as opposed to $350 for 140 more from my friend on the street (which is what I was paying on the side, since my intake had gone up to 20 a day).
Enough! One morning I woke up and finally said, “enough of this crap!” I couldn’t do it anymore. I wasn’t getting high and I wasn’t feeling good. It was killing the pain but at the expense of my health, my family life, my self esteem and my integrity as a person. I couldn’t go on living like this anymore. I needed a way out and I needed it NOW. I started to search the internet, and going into forums and writing things down. I started cross referencing things and I started to see a pattern emerging and stories of success and happiness returning to people’s lives again. This is what I wanted and needed.
I had done about a week or two weeks worth of research and documentation and I finally came up with a game plan, and hopefully, a solution. Little did I know at the time that it WAS the solution, and it would change my life so much that it would drive me to document my story and start this website to help others.
The withdrawal from Vicodin, or any other opiate for that matter, is horrible and it can be so hard to get through. And staying off of it is also one of the HARDEST things I have ever had to do, except with this solution that I found.
The solution that I found, that worked for me, was a God send — a ray of light in the darkest day ever. Had I not found this solution I am talking about, I would still be hopelessly addicted today; ever watching the number of pills in the bottle; always anxious when I got low; spending money I didn’t have to buy more from the streets and neglecting my family. I am sure you know the feeling. The anxiety you feel when you know you need X amount of your drug to last you until refill day, but you know that you don’t have enough. And you know you are going to be hurting. Oh, God, the anxiety of not having enough to make you better on those last one or two days before refill day. It doesn’t matter that you have enough for today and tomorrow and maybe the next day, because you know what is coming and it isn’t pleasant at all. The pain, anxiety and depression of kicking Vicodin, or any other opiate, is so damned hard to live through, it nearly kills people unless they have something to help get them through it. OK, back to my story…
I had vowed to get off the Vicodin, again, and I was trying my hardest to get through my withdrawal. It was day three of my kick and I was heavily into it. But I was hurting so bad that I called my pharmacy; had my prescription refilled, and I went and picked it up. I got it filled thinking maybe I could use just a little and wean myself off of it and make it easier on myself.
YEAH RIGHT. NOT!
The straw that broke my back…
My daughter was born last year(’08), just before Christmas. My immediate family wanted us(my wife, daughter and I) to come home for the holiday so everyone could meet the new addition to the family. They wanted to spend Christmas together as a family, as it had been a few years since I’ve been home. I Live in San Diego and everyone else lives in Virginia, or DC.
To make a long story short, we almost didn’t go, because I wasn’t sure if I would have enough pain killers to get me through the trip, because I didn’t know if I would be able to get any back there when I ran out.
My wife didn’t know this at the time, but I had to make secret plans to get my pain killers while we were back there in Virginia(we live in San Diego), from a pharmacy when I ran out. I was taking 10-20 pills a day at that time and I just COULDN’T run out, it would literally kill me to go into withdrawal back there. Not to mention the effect it would have on my wife and my family.
I made it through the reunion just fine but, when I got home I felt like crap. I was lying to my wife and hiding this addiction from her and my family. I was sneaking around behind her back, getting more meds from the streets, and spending way too much money on the drugs.
I was so hooked on pain meds and they were completely controlling my life, my moods, my thoughts and actions.
I had to get off this stuff, no matter what I did, and that day was the turning point, the start of a huge research project to find this solution that got me off of pain killers, easily.
In my research I found out so much about opiate addiction, and why people continue to get addicted even after getting off the pain pills.
What I didn’t realize with Pain Killer addiction and opiate dependancy, it’s not just a physical addiction, it’s also a mental and emotional addiction and it really messes with the brain chemistry, even after you’ve been clean for a while.
Getting off this stuff is hard…
Staying off is even harder!!!
Now…I know how to search the internet for answers and I spent LONG DAYS and LATE NIGHTS, looking for the solution to getting off, and staying off.
I needed something would be relatively quick and easy, and allow me to be able to continue to work while I was going through this period of getting off the pain killer dependacy.
Everywhere I looked was depressing, it seemed there was no avoiding the painful excruciating, inevitable painkiller withdrawal.
I needed to be able to continue to work but nothing I found looked any good or gave me the ability to keep working while I went through the process of kicking the pain pill habit.
At this point, I was very desperate. But before I took another Vicodin, I called my psychiatrist and told him what was going on. I was going to tell him about this pill I had heard about while doing research on the internet. But before I could get to that, he said to me that he had something that would help me get through this. And that he had treated a number of heroin and pain medication addicts with this medication with great success. He said it was like a miracle drug that helped to give people back their lives.
I was so desperate. I was scared to take another Vicodin and feed the vicious cycle, but I was also scared and at my wits end with this withdrawal, just as before, the most god aweful feeling in the world. I just wanted this feeling to stop, this physical aching and the emotional and mental pain as well. I just wanted it all to stop, and I knew that one pill could do it, but one pill would also start the vicious cycle all over again.
But before I took another Vicodin, I called my psychiatrist and told him what was going on. I was going to tell him about this pill I had heard about while doing research on the internet. But before I could get to that, he said to me that he had something that would help me get through this. And that he had treated a number of heroin and pain medication addicts with this medication with great success. He said it was like a miracle drug that helped to give people back their lives.
My doctor (psychiatrist) said it would suppress the symptoms of withdrawal, such as the anxiety and depression. It would also suppress the cravings for more opiates and help take away the PAIN of withdrawal. WOW, that’s pretty miraculous if you ask me. And, yeah, I would love to have it work for me like that! And, wow! Could something really work like that? I have got to see this!!!
He gave me a prescription for a new medication that has been used to successfully treat pain killer addiction. I filled it, and took my first dose within 30 minutes of talking to him. Within another 30-60 minutes, everything he had said, started to happen. I was pain free! I had little or no anxiety! I had little or no depression! And, I had no cravings at all! I have now been this way without an urge to take opiates for 5 months now. I don’t see myself going back to Vicodin anymore — EVER again.
This was a LIFE CHANGING event for me, and I am sure that it will have the same effect on others who try this type of treatment. I was so happy and grateful for what had happened, that I decided to try to help others by putting together this website.
Here’s a list of some of my experiences:
- It stopped the withdrawal pain in my muscles and joints within 30-60 minutes of taking it.
- I didn’t have any anxiety from withdrawal within 30-60 minutes of taking it.
- I didn’t have any depression from the withdrawal within 30-60 minutes of taking it.
- My mood and emotional state did a complete 180-degree turn after taking it. I was happy. I felt great. I felt like it had given me my life back just as my doctor said it would. Seriously. I had not felt this good in several years. In fact, I hadn’t felt that good since BEFORE I ever started taking Vicodin.
- The anxiety of leaving the house and going to work disappeared, almost instantly, so that I could go back to work and be productive. In fact, I have been so productive since being off the Vicodin that I work almost 7 days a week. By the way, I have my own IT consulting business.
- The whole experience was as if I had never been addicted to Vicodin at all, and the clock was turned back to a time before I started taking it.
What happened to me following taking this medication that was prescribed to me was nothing short of a miracle. For this reason, I made this site and put it out on the internet.
The owner, publisher, and editor are not responsible for errors and omissions. This is the authors story and his results, results may vary from person to person. The contents of this eBook/Report and Website are based on the research of the author and are presented for educational purposes only. It is not a claim for a cure or mitigation of a disease and it is not intended as medical advice. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, or prescribe for an illness. The author and the publisher are not responsible for any adverse effects or consequences resulting from the use of any of the products or preparations presented in this eBook/Report or Website. Health information cannot replace a health-care practitioner/patient relationship. Consumers should always consult with a health-care professional/practitioner for diagnosis and treatment of their specific health problems. This eBook/Report and Website constitute a discussion of Treatments/Medications found in hospitals/treatment facilities, both inpatient and outpatient. To gain a deeper perspective regarding any of the information contained within the eBook/Report or on this website, it is suggested that one consult aLicensed Physician or Addiction Specialist on these subjects.
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Lose the Back Pain, NOW!
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Kelly Said,
August 16, 2009 @ 10:47 pm
Did I miss something? What is the magic drug that helped you get over your addiction? By any chance is it suboxin?
Larry C. Said,
August 16, 2009 @ 11:37 pm
Yes Kelsey, it was Suboxone. If you read “The Solution” You will see that answer.
For me it was a miracle drug that helped me to get off and stay off the vicodin. I also joined a 12 step program on my own after I was able to get off the vicodin, and have found a wonderful support system there.
celina Said,
May 26, 2010 @ 1:42 pm
How long do u need to stay on the drug, to keep ur self from going back on the bad drugs?
Tim Said,
June 16, 2010 @ 2:20 pm
My wife is showing no signs of any addiction, HOWEVER, she is obtaining large amounts of tramadol. She doeesn’t know I know. Suggestions/resources as to how to approach her? Thanks! Tim
zoe Said,
June 28, 2010 @ 12:17 pm
Your doctor prescribed you suboxone…just like that? My husband sought help from prescription drugs and got into a suboxone authorized doctor’s office…apparently, they are not easy to come by. He had to go to the doctor every 2 days to get 2 days supply… 4 hours of driving a day. Then he had to pee test in front of a nasty fat nurse that feasted her eyes on his penis. This was degrading and humiliating. There wasn’t a “real” doctor even around to see him, just all the administrators — he got so depressed about being labeled a “junky” and the low life stigma associated with people that do drugs. Are there doctors that write the prescription without all the “contracts” and “stipulations”?
Larry C. Said,
June 28, 2010 @ 1:50 pm
Yes Just like that. I did have to sign a contract that stated I wouldn’t drink alcohol but that was fine as I didn’t want to be using anything, personally.
Yes just like that, they will give you a prescription if you show signs of being addicted to opiates, which if the doctors see your pharmacy records they can tell. Sounds like you got a bad doctor. My doctor gave me 30 days supply each time, I saw him once a month for a new prescription, and didn’t have to piss test to get my suboxone. If you get my report it will tell you where and how to find hundreds of approved Suboxone Doctors, in your area or at least the next nearest one from the nasty nurse.
also it will give you the questions to ask before going in to make sure there are no hidden costs.
I would also ask about getting a 30 day supply, each time and tell them your horror story. My doctor was a psycho-pharmacologist who also specialized in addictive medicine.
zoe Said,
July 6, 2010 @ 3:25 am
Curious….Larry, did Suboxone take away the pain? My husband thinks it will not solve his chronic pain. He is actually thinking about Methadone. What are your thoughts on that?
Larry C. Said,
July 6, 2010 @ 8:41 am
Here’s what I wrote to someone else, The suboxone took away the pain of withdrawal, and the back pain. but when I got off the subosone my back pain was still there. the pain is a symptom of a problem that needs to be addresses. I researched and found several ways to make me completely pain free from now on. the links are in the reply I posted below. I have been pain free since I started using the foam roll for the back and the supplements I mentioned in the post below.
Pain killers will also start to cause pain the longer you are on them. so it’s a vicious cycle. he needs to get off them.
Please read the below post:
Suboxone is a partial opiate that can do several things at once. First it will help with the pain of withdrawal from full opiates. Then it can help with the pain of the back surgeries. It also fills the receptor sites that are left empty from opiate detox, where endorphins should be. So you bypass the depression associates with opiate withdrawal.
I was addicted to pain meds as well for my back issues which after getting off the opiates and suboxone all together, came back and wasn’t resolved. I did some research and found some things that helped immensely, one site that REALLY helped was this one: http://www.losethebackpain.com. I would highly recommend he get the program for his back pain. I found that several stretches helped immensely, as well as using a foam roll to roll out the knots, and toxin holding muscles that also cause pain and spasm. They are available here: Foam Roll at Amazon.Com
There are also some supplements he can take to help with the pain, such as Fish Oil, great anti-inflammatory, Digestive enzyme, Paipin and other proteolytic enzymes, that tell the inflammation when to stop. As we get older, the enzymes that tell our body to stop being inflamed are lowered with age, therefore, as they say inflammation begets inflammation, taking the proteolytic enzymes tell the body to turn off the inflammation and relieve swelling. this helps immensely as well.
Another supplement is the natural muscle relaxant magnesium. Which is in Doans Back Pills. Taking Magnesium and Calcium will help the pain go away as well. Magnesium is a natural muscle relaxant and it needs calcium to work synergisticly with the magnesium to be absorbed. Magnesium needs calcium to be absorbed. and vice versa.
I was on pain meds for over 4 years and tried to stop on my own and couldn’t do it. Suboxone was what I needed to get off, and when I got off the suboxone I had no craving for opiates at all.
I should also say that today, aside from the normal occasional kinks and such, my back is pain free. But I stretch EVERYDAY. which I am willing to bet he will need to as well. If its a part of the back that link will help.
Good Luck and keep me posted.